in the last 2 months ive successfully pushed 2 people as far away from me as possible. i can't think of a better time to sit back and look at my behavior and ask myself what the fuck. i obviously have a drinking problem. more or less, not with drinking too often, but the things i decide to do or say when i drink are causing me to lose potential great friends in my life. i make myself sick. like why can't i just stop, and grow up. i begged for forgiveness from both people. one gave it to me and the other won't. i'm not ok with it but i guess it's something that needs to happen, for me to realize that i'm getting out of control.

i am so selfish, and immature.

i hate a lot about myself right now. 

i need to turn it around before more of my life goes down the drain. 

being depressed is too familiar. i'd much rather be happy. its so unhealthy the way i treat others and the direct effect it has on me. 'the self destructive things that i do for entertainment'. seriously. it's twisted. it needs to be locked up and the fucking key needs to be thrown away.

done, done, done. i am leaving everything i used to be behind. i am not going to be a loser any longer. 

being depressed isn't attractive. being a broken doll isn't going to draw anyone closer to me. 

ugh my life is so fucking fabricated right now.