dont you know that those songs are about you?

i feel so strange lately.
i devour sleep. i've always been good at waking up but not lately.
i want so much change and think about it all the time but am i really acting on it? i can picture exactly what i want, but it seems like i'm never any closer to obtaining it.

fake friends have grown so old. i'm ready for new people, new personalities that aren't made up and relationships that aren't temporary. i want to be around people who appreciate who i am. its frustrating trying to get away from everything i used to be/the assumptions people already have about me. sometimes i feel like people shoot me looks that sort of say 'you dug your own grave' or 'i already know about you' and it makes me sick. my anxiety goes through the roof in social situations. i feel the need to please everyone or make everyone laugh, when i used to only care about doing shit like that with my close, close friends. why is that happening? i don't think i can maintain a proper friendship with anyone. it all turns sour at some point. and then i'm left there with this reputation. it makes me sick.

no one is honest with me until its too late.




fuck. i want to go shopping. i miss mike.